The good doctor.

I saw Lyerly today for the first time in a few months. He called about twice a day everyday the last month trying to setup an appointment so I could go meet with him. Unfortunately, nearly everyone in my family has an aversion to answering the phone. Anyway, he took me off the Resperdal at my request; four pills is a bit much for me and we're always out of one of them, so I decided I'd try walking away with three prescriptions instead of four.

I got drunk a couple days ago (4 shots of Southern Comfort and 5 beers...I'm both impressed and disappointed with my self) and I still feel groggy. This is littered with misplaced commas and such, I'm sure, but I think I'm going to bed now. I have an exam in the morning.

Oh Santa Fe Cafe...

I just got home from Santa Fe Cafe in College Park and I had a good time. It was for my friend's show. Yeah. I'm there to watch her but it seems I spend more time staring at love interests and hot waiters. In the end, all I leave with is hat hair.

Mad World...

I just listened to that song, the version by the Red Paintings. It's a very sobering song and I'm not sure if I like it or not. Half of it sounds like whining, but really meaningful whining. Oh well.

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I did go running yesterday, but only ran half of it. I did get the runner's high so that was good. I changed my time from 15 minutes to 9 minutes, so I feel a little bit bad about that.

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I took a test in PE183 today. It was my last class. I hope I continue to exercise even when I get out. It's funny because initially I was sitting up against the wall taking it but I found out I had to move because I couldn't stop looking at the really hot guy across me. So distracting. I ended up on my stomach and it was actually really comfortable. I wish I hadn't finished so early because I would have liked to just linger there. I wish the class wasn't over.

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I had my last writing class yesterday. I'm going to miss the people in it; it was a very fun class.

I'm going running...

I'm probably going to run my 1.5 mile for PE183 in a few minutes. I haven't gone running [outside, in front of people] in a while so this should be interesting. This is to be the post-cardio-respiratory-endurance lab and seeing as how my pre-cardio-respiratory-endurance lab didn't ever happen I'm interested in seeing how this run stacks up against my imaginary one at the beginning of the semester. My predictions include fail with a side of suck and a light dusting of humility. Horray.

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I also have to write a few (7) critiques for my writing class tonight. I hate that I procrastinate on these because I do like reading other people's stories and it's not fair to them that I rush through it. Even though they say that they hate their stories or that the stories are "nothing" it's a little sliver of them that I'm taking the time to critique.

*Okay, this post doesn't make much sense but I just woke up and I'm a bit flustered about how I'm supposed to procrastinate with all of these things to do.

Reed

I got an information packet today from Reed College, a private institution in Oregon. This is the only college I want to go to, but they only accept 40 transfer students each fall. I guess it's understandable because the enrollment is just over 1400 and the student to professor ratio they fervently maintain is 10:1. I like it but I'm nervous. A lot of scholars (not just alumni, mind you) describe it as the most intellectual undergraduate university in the country, something that scares and excites me. I think I would fit in there but I don't have the commitment to knowledge that they seem to require. I don't read nearly as much as I used to, nor do I study. I mostly play City of Heroes. However, I think the part of me that desperately wants to go there shows that maybe there is a little bit of intellectual left inside. It gives me hope.

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I feel nauseous but only in my head, so I think I'm going to leave health half an hour early or maybe not go at all. I'm really not sure if I should do that though. I don't know how many absences I have left in that class...probably none. There's only three sessions left too, the last one being our final exam. It's all going to be over soon. The summer will come and I'll get depressed when I don't do anything. No, not this year though. I'm going to go to the gym religiously and find a personal trainer. I'm also going to get a job. I hope. Now is the time to start looking, I guess.

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I better leave. There aren't any seats left in the computer lab and someone could probably use this to actually do something academic related.

I'm listening to the songs of a dozen old crushes...

At least that's what my Facebook* status update says. When I say that I mean I like these bands because the people I want to "know" like them. One example is Third Eye Blind when I found out this guy was going to one of their concerts instead of coming to class--to me that was awesome. (Props to the guy who said "He grew a third eye and went blind." That still makes me laugh. :) )) Now whenever Third Eye Blind, or any band that sounds like them, comes on I think of him and feel this strange longing. He was very charismatic. Another one is Alexisonfire, a band of another crush of mine. I liked them before I knew he liked them but now when I listen to them I think of him. It's good in a way in that the thoughts I have of them are pleasant and make me smile but it's bittersweet. I don't think I'll ever know them.

I want to be back in the cohort. I want to see the people I admire every day.

*I did make one, finally. I like and don't like it at the same time (it's sort of depressing with intermittent wall posts and the few responses from the strangers I try to talk to. I admit it).**

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More than a year later I'm starting to post here again, in hopes that someone will find it. The Bowflex has since gathered dust and I've learned to ignore my parents and grandparents bickering.

Marriage

I'm never going to get married. Couples in my family don't argue; they bicker. In my opinion it's worse as neither of them get into fights, they just annoy each other. I hate it. It's like there's this undercurrent of unhappiness that neither of them want to confront and it kills me. You can't even fix your problems, let alone find them, when all you do is bitch at each other about the most tiny things.

Also, the idea of being stuck with someone who is going to drive me mad one day...Ugh. Why would you get married?